I Am Weary

"There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens"
-Ecclesiastes 3:1

The verse above is one that I've tried to keep forefront in my mind lately. There is a season for everything and this season won't last forever. But it's been a long year.

I am Weary.

At the beginning of the year, my husband was working for a mortgage company, but it was solely commission based. The paychecks were few and far between. He then decided it wasn't the path God had for him.

He worked for my parents business for a few weeks. But, it's seasonal and mostly out of town. He was gone. A lot. But it got us through a few more months.

Now, he is officially a member of the unemployed. He does have a temporary job coming up, but it will only last 3 weeks. Plus, it's an evening/night shift that will be hard on the kids, especially Peanut. She doesn't do well when daddy isn't home to pray and give lovies at bedtime.

He has been sending out applications, resume's and cover letters like crazy. But so far nothing else has come up. As it stands, we have no idea what the new year will bring.

I am Weary.

God gives us this promise:

"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."
-Isaiah 40:29-31

I try to hold onto this verse like the one above. I try to glean strength from it. I want to shout "Where is my strength Lord?" I am tired. I am tired of waiting, of not knowing what is to come. It is so difficult when He only gives you enough light for the step you are on. I SO want to see where I am going!

I try to focus on the "here and now" and try not to think too much about what tomorrow might bring. But what is the "here and now"? Laundry. Cooking. Cleaning. Kids arguing. How do you find joy in the mundane when you don't feel like there is anything good to look forward to? Sure, I could try to go the other way, that the mundane is more joyful than not having a home. But, instead of finding joy, I start to feel anxious and fearful that that is where we are headed.

I know that we are not promised lives filled with joy and no heartache. So I know that His answer may very well be that we loose our home and everything we have. I HOPE and PRAY that His answer will be different. And so I wait. I wait on the Lord. The waiting is what's getting to me.

I can't help but wonder what lesson the Lord has for us in all of this. Are we somehow failing to grasp it? Is that why we are still waiting? Or is waiting the lesson? In which case, I still feel like I'm failing to grasp it :).

There have been many blessings during this season. The biggest being that, somehow every month the bills have gotten paid. Sure, we've wracked up more debt than we'd like, but we aren't drowning in it {yet}. The Lord has provided for us. It was definitley him, there is no way we could have done it ourselves! We still have our home. We are also still able to homeschool and I am still able to stay home with the kids. There are many more, but this is already a long post as it is :).

I am still weary. My faith has been deepened. My trust is in the Lord. I don't panic about our situation near as often as I used to. But I still have a long way to go.

"Dear Lord, Please help me to continue to put my trust in you. You have promised to never forsake us, help me to remember that. Help me to remember Your blessings and to be thankful for all that I have. Help me to find joy in the waiting. Give me strength for my weariness. And Lord.....Please.......Could this season end soon? In Your Son's name, Amen"

Blessings,